Washington NFL team unveils insane stadium with kayak moat, gets on national TV

Washington’s NFL team may not know where it wants to build a stadium or how it would be paid for, but that’s not going to stop them from releasing photos of a model of how it would look, to 60 Minutes for some reason:

ingelsredskinsstadiumbugThat sure looks like something stadium-like all right. Though it doesn’t seem to have any concourse space for buying food inside (just ramps upon ramps, and no escalators or elevators?), and it has a freaking moat around it with people kayaking in it, spanned only by a handful of bridges that are going to be completely overwhelmed by crowds before and after games, and fans will end up being crushed by the crowds and falling into the moat oh god oh god the humanity…

There is zero chance that this stadium will actually be built this way, but the model enables team owner Daniel Snyder to do two things: Get national TV coverage for his campaign to get somebody in the D.C. area to build him a new stadium, and link his team to “starchitect” Bjarke Ingels, which is so much better than being linked to genocide. Meanwhile: vaporkayaks!

12 comments on “Washington NFL team unveils insane stadium with kayak moat, gets on national TV

  1. That moat is so symbolic of what the gameday experience has become in these modern sports venues, to say nothing of the audience that they’re geared to attract.

  2. Lift the drawbridges, keep the attendants dependent on concessions. Great for revenues!

  3. “Sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads.” Is what Dan Snyder really wants in that moat.

  4. Ah, Football at the new Sombaro as Chris Berman would call it. It is a great site for a game especially after the 8 time World Champion Dallas Cowboys beat the living daylights out of the Rick Hendrick owned Washington Redskins.

  5. Those are alligators in the moat. They are some of the cheapest security around and they have about the same intelligence as many of the so-called security people at many stadium gates. Actually I might have just insulted the alligators. Sorry about that.

    Also notice the lack of stadium lighting as well as the post-apocalyptic natural lighting. The scoreboard isn’t working either. Must be time for another Super Bowl blackout!

  6. Another rendering, which features a moat, a fake beach, and some random ppl rappelling down the stadium’s exterior (wtf???) https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cdh8ew-W0AAPW3c.jpg:large

  7. All that surfer/rappelling rendering needs to make it perfect is a sharknado in the background.

  8. I think Dan Snyder must have gotten a hold of Mayor Barry’s crack pipe. This one is crazy. I say they end up with something like Atlanta or Dallas.