Latest Washington NFL plans feature snow, blimps, people with no idea how to throw a football

We have more renderings of the Washington NFL team‘s insane design for a stadium to be built in a postapocalyptic dreamscape, courtesy of the insane-design website Dezeen, and you know what, I think these are better without commentary:

redskin-stadium-washington-big-usa_dezeen_936_3-new redskin-stadium-washington-big-usa_dezeen_936_5-new redskin-stadium-washington-big-usa_dezeen_1568_5-new redskin-stadium-washington-big-usa_dezeen_936_2-new redskin-stadium-washington-big-usa_dezeen_936_4 redskin-stadium-washington-big-usa_dezeen_936_6If you’re conspiracy-minded, you might focus on the bottom rendering, which appears to show the stadium sited in what’s now a national park just across the District border in Prince George’s County, Maryland — but given that that same image shows the sun apparently setting in the north, probably best not to make too much of it.

33 comments on “Latest Washington NFL plans feature snow, blimps, people with no idea how to throw a football

  1. Also a bona fide slaughter house for a TRUE farm-to-table experience! Bring your kids to use a real cattle gun!

    AND a life size Mt. Everest for the those seasonal climbs we’ve come to love!

  2. I actually just noticed my favorite part, which is that in the one with the blimp, the “GOODYEAR” lettering is normal, but all the people on the ground are wearing mirror-image jerseys.

  3. These renderings are great because they show…well…almost nothing. But, a few notes before we discuss The Artist Formerly Known as Prince.

    1) If the easiest seats to sell are those on the 50 yards line (and nearby yard lines) then this design is trying to take advantage of that. Doesn’t matter how high those “premium” 50 yard line seats are, they sell quickly.

    2) Looking at the structural supports through the birds nest covering, this stadium should fall down with the first good wind. Unless they’ve invented very large, very pure carbon nanotubes by the time the stadium is built, those support beams are in the wrong direction. Add just a little force and the stadium falls outward into the moat.

    3) In the one stadium rendering where the stadium isn’t actually shown (huh?) notice the paid Goodyear advertisement on the blimp. Then notice that almost every fan has their jersey on backwards. It’s not the rendering that’s backwards otherwise the “Goodyear” would also be reversed and the visiting team’s fan’s jersey is correct. Redskins fans all with their jerseys on backwards – some type of protest over the name? Sniksder fans? (almost spells Snyder, hmmm….) Maybe it’s a protest over the team’s latest QB situation or recent loss to the Giants?

    Anyway, given the large amount of post-apocalyptic purple in the night images – even the Moon is purple – I think it’s safe to say we know who is performing at the outdoor/outside packed concert. No, Daniel Snyder would not want any of that large take from tickets for this concert. Is the take-away that the stadium isn’t suitable for concerts so it has to be done outside? What will the security alligators think?

    Finally, did the same people who design the Star Wars bridges design this place? People are skating next to the moat and there isn’t a single railing or other impediment to keep them from going into the water. Doesn’t look like the stadium has any of those nasty railings either. Oh, the humanity…


  4. The last panel suggests that activity actually takes place inside the stadium but I can see why they didn’t want to focus on that.

  5. The hilariously huge moon might not even be the third-most ridiculous thing about these renderings. That takes some doing.

  6. I figures that the moon’s orbit was disturbed when Earth was thrown off its axis to have the sun set in the north. Though given that the way the moon is lit, the sun would need to be above the horizon yet the sky is pitch-black, maybe there’s some other apocalypse at work here that I haven’t considered.

  7. Perhaps the Moon’s orbit changed inward and became more inclined? Large tides formed as Earth’s rotational axis shifted causing nuclear reactors to fall into the ocean. Only large stadiums and sporting goods stores survived. People gathered at the stadiums to have fun during the day but then throw people into the alligator infested moat at night (perhaps for losing at American Idol).


  8. Could it be a winter sunrise? I think it is probably a Snyder long-term plan to have games played at 7AM in December. To capture the TV markets of Guam and New Zealand.

  9. “Hey, I’ve got an idea, let’s drive all the way to the stadium so that we can ice skate, and rollerblade.”

  10. My favorites:

    1) Image #1 “The Beach”: Two people scaling the side of the stadium. Are they trying to break in or get out? If they are successful either way, someone should let Mr. Trump know that he can’t build a wall high enough.

    2) Image #5 “Full Moon”: So you build a huge stadium at taxpayers expense and don’t even use the inside for a festival concert? Isn’t there a big long space in downtown DC with lots of grass and some monuments or something for this sort of thing already? I can’t remember what it’s called.

  11. Neil, real question here: My hypothesis is that this vaportecture is purposely outlandish and unrealistic to gain more exposure than the typical stadium renderings. And even though the laughter dies down, the idea remains, “Hey, when are the Redskins getting a new stadium?” Would you agree, or am I missing something? Thanks!

  12. All I know is those people doing a 100 ft rope climb are hard-core. The way that’s sloped doesn’t even allow for legs to touch a thing. I’m also impressed they’d make the moat have big enough waves for surfing, but maybe they do something with that circular layout so the wave making is synchronized to keep them really tall.

  13. It’s the Moon, Joe. The waves result naturally. Of course, a motor boat doesn’t hurt either.

  14. Mark: I’m sure you’re right. Or at least BIG thinks, “This will get our name mentioned on the telly!” and Dan Snyder thinks, “Sure, can’t hurt.”

  15. Danny Snyder is what we used to call an “idea man.”

    Now, I’m not saying he has any *good* ideas, but… he has ideas! And the money to hire an artist to draw them for us.

  16. The buildings they showed on 60 Minutes that this “starchitect” guy has done are pretty sweet, can’t wait to see what the final product for the Redskins will be. Makes sense to try to make the stadium area functional year round so that it is not an empty lot 355 days a year like Fed Ex Field.

  17. Amazing; had I encountered these without context, I would have been certain they were Bruce McCall illustrations.

  18. More analysis and all the tweets fit to print:

    What’s with the new trend in bedpan stadium design. Wasn’t that the look of one in Japan or wherever? Neil will know.

  19. Powerboater–given that this (should it happen) is going to again come out of the DC taxpayers’ pockets (not that DC is lacking capital spending requirements in, say, transport right now, eh?), is having a “functional” NFL stadium 1) something that anyone should care about and 2) anywhere close to the top priority in the next 15 years?

    The team had a great stadium. They wanted something else. No backsies.

  20. I tentatively kind of like the idea for the bowl shape that minimizes seating distance from the center of the field. All the rest of it is completely nuts and not to be taken seriously.

    Not to mention that the entire idea of designing a stadium before a funding mechanism, price tag, or site has been settled on is completely nuts and not to be taken seriously.

  21. Incidentally, here’s the apartment building that BIG is actually now building in Manhattan. I’m not sure it actually answers the question of whether they’re just trolling us:×464.jpg

  22. I couldn’t get the link above to work, but here’s the story on the skyscraper/triangle.

    By the way, do you think the insurance industry will mind that their icing-over the sidewalks near the stadium in the winter to allow hockey to be played? Notice in the summer there is sand and I’m assuming sidewalks closer to the stadium. The sand will help if the people climbing should fall. In the winter it’s all ice (even outside the moat).

    Hopefully someone will send some more vaportecture to enjoy.

  23. Hate to be “That Guy” but I love sleuthing these things:

    Portions of the blimp / tailgater’s picture is a direct, reverse image of this photo from the HailBBQ site.

    Team Vaportecture did a horizontal reverse as a baseline – you can see #91, #47 and #28 (Darrel Green!) and the burgundy pop-up tent are all perfectly aligned.

  24. Ten points to Judd for creative sleuthing!

    Negative 50 points from Team Vaportecture for incredibly lazy Photoshopping.

  25. With the budget a NFL team has they couldn’t hire some extras and take they’re own pictures and have to resort to stealing photos of the Internet?

    It’s worse than lazy, it’s piracy.

  26. Another source photo:

    The guys standing next to the burgundy car on the right side, the one wearing the San Diego Charger powder blue jersey is not #28, but reversed to #85 Gates.

    Jmauro – I’m kinda wondering what the copyright deal is as well.

  27. I think it’s great that the team is essentially admitting that they will still suck so badly when this thing is built that paying fans will be abseilling off the roof of the upper deck just so they don’t have to watch them anymore….

    Stay the course Dan!

  28. Jmauro:

    I think all the out of work actors and extras have been scooped up by GOP and Democratic candidates to professionally cheer for them at televised functions and the apparently endless string of primaries leading up to non-decision day 2016 in November.

    Wouldn’t it be funny if the only actual growth in economic activity in the country is really down to the 1% having to hire more people to pose as ordinary citizens cheering them in order to fool the masses into thinking things are going really swell?

  29. Judd:

    Does the guy in the 88 jersey with yellow shorts in this image have his leg photoshopped out?

    Apologies if he really does just have one leg.

  30. I think that guy’s leg is off to the right, behind the woman with the Manning jersey. Either that, or he’s wearing a really weird pair of one-legged shorts.

  31. What’s just as sad is that when they released these dreamscapes, there were images of people wearing RGIII’s number 10 jersey. Needless to say, those were ‘airbrushed’ out some time after he was released – but not before someone pointed it out; this is the NFL after all, and apparently you can’t work there and be very bright.

    And I agree, whoever owns the copyright on those images that were used, likely without permission, ought to be litigating, just because NFL and Redskins.

  32. Oh, and couldn’t help but notice that the obvious landmarks of the Capitol and Washington Monument actually shows this ‘thing’ in two different locations — one of them could be approximately where RFK Stadium is today.