Wizards’ $50m practice arena renderings are scenes from a post-apocalpytic nightmare

New renderings for the Washington Wizards practice facility (and Mystics home arena) to be built with at least $50 million in city money were released yesterday, and, I’m sorry, what?


The new arena will apparently be surrounded by a massive frozen pond, or maybe a thin coating of a liquid polymer. Fortunately, no one will be around to try to walk on it, since that could get ugly.


Is that a WNBA player? If so, why is she wearing so much makeup? What’s suspending the banner (?) in midair like that? And why on earth is there a film reel countdown projected (?) on a brick wall? What is it counting down to? Will there be any concession stands, or will the whole place just feel like an empty hotel lobby?


The most important part of any new development: lens flare.

new-dcpract-5Put it all together and you have … dear lord. At least the rest of human civilization appears to have been destroyed in whatever cataclysm turned the very ground into a shiny flat surface, so no one will be around to see this. When the aliens land, though, they’re going to be disappointed that there’s nowhere to buy any curly fries.

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11 comments on “Wizards’ $50m practice arena renderings are scenes from a post-apocalpytic nightmare

  1. At first glance I thought the picture was Prince!. Which would make about as much sense as urban basketball teams named Wizards and Mystics playing in a giant barn. Seriously, if you took the top picture and changed it to read “Johnson Feed” and stuck a couple farm trucks in the pic it would look completely normal.

    1. I’m not the only one. When I first saw the picture I said this person looks like Prince. The countdown projected on a brick wall, maybe movie night on Fridays for the public oh wait no…………not enough room to hold the people. Maybe it will show movie trailers as people pass by? Or commercials? Either way it is very odd to have a film reel countdown projected on a brick wall. Why does it remind me of Pink Floyd. Just another brick in the wall. Oh I see why.

  2. Alien visitors from the future will also be disappointed by the project’s distinct lack of fireworks and spotlights.

  3. I hope they make sure none of the players are susceptible to epileptic seizures before they let them in that facility.

  4. “Can you make the concept art look more like the Tom Petty video for “You Got Lucky”? Thanks!”

  5. Let’s also take a moment to note this would be just the practice facility for the Wizards while it’d be the home arena for the Mystics yet only the Wizards have their name on the building. Yet bizarrely the only artwork is of a woman. Somebody out-of-the-know would arrive at this place and assume the Wizards were a women’s team.

  6. Well at least ONE of the pictures in the link had actual people rendered in. Oddly enough it had a male basketball player in the floating ghostly banner, so maybe there are spectators for the men’s team practices but not for the women’s team games? I wonder if the artists fully understood the instructions of what they were supposed to render. :)

    And I despise the lens flare effect. It isn’t cool, it isn’t “edgy,” it looks like someone forgot to clean their glasses and it gives me a headache. So stupid.

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