Calgary releases terrifying new arena renderings in advance of terrifying new arena vote

The Calgary city council is set to vote today on reopening talks with the Flames owners about a new hockey arena as part of an “entertainment district” — presumably this won’t include discussions just yet on how much the city would have to pay for one, since that only gets people upset — and just in time, the city-owned Calgary Municipal Land Corporation has issued some fresh renderings: Okay, that looks like an arena of some kind, certainly. It’s an unusual touch for renderings to show passersby bundled up against a driving snowstorm, but I guess that’s how we know that it’s Canada, if the Canadian flag didn’t tip us off.

Anything of the interior?

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Okay, so the plan is apparently for Calgary to build an arena not just for hockey, but also for portals into adjacent dimensions, from which will extrude a warped version of space-time that will inexorably start to cover the walls and ceiling of the new venue, en route to engulfing all of Calgary, and eventually, our entire universe. Fortunately a lucky few fans will be able to use their glowing wrist bracelets to teleport to safety just in time, but for the rest of us, there will be no escape. Also, those upper-deck seats look like they have terrible sightlines.


7 comments on “Calgary releases terrifying new arena renderings in advance of terrifying new arena vote

  1. Well one of the most prominent things I read is Calgarians bitching and moaning because acts like Kiss & Madonna have too big of stage show, therefore they skip Calgary and only go to, gasp!, Edmonton. Calgarians will eat up this new arena interior with plenty of space for modern stage shows. It’s the same way they sold Sudbury on a new arena.

  2. Sounds great! After the city votes to start negotiations again, is that when the public gets shut out per the Flames request? Or do the Flames want to wait until the city-funds are discussed when they shut the door on the public?

    To be fair, the Flames claim this is for our own good which makes me feel better.

  3. If it is the municipality that put out these renderings, another taxpayer funded arena is a done deal. Sigh.

  4. Very disappointed that the comments don’t support images.

    My Time Tunnel gifs are all for naught!

  5. If you’re going to do this kind of thing, do it right: DON’T limit yourself to adjacent dimensions. There are plenty of other dimensions equally capable of extruding warped (and not-so-warped) versions of space-time.

  6. Why limit ourselves to only physical dimensions, though? Spacetime is, after all, Space-Time.

    I mean, anyone with a passing familiarity with the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy will know that one of the key uses for time machines is to back date construction project kickoffs so that the building in question can be finished on schedule, or just as soon as someone realizes it’s actually “needed”. And construction costs a century ago, of course, were far more reasonable in today’s dollars.

    Also, because this practice sometimes results in construction starting on a ‘current’ building before the date on which the previous structures on that site were even started, postcards depicting the previous buildings (that, now, never actually existed) become extraordinarily valuable.