Sacramento is finally granted MLS team, local paper unleashes stored-up flood of soccer metaphors

Sacramento Republic F.C. was officially designated as MLS’s 29th franchise yesterday, and if you were hoping this would unleash a torrent of bad sports plays-on-words in the local media, the Sacramento Bee has got you covered:

Goal! Sacramento is officially a Major League Soccer city

It took years to line up the kick. But Sacramento has scored. It’s now a Major League Soccer city.

…and so on.

Aside from this kind of stuff being the journalism equivalent of dad jokes, it’s also really dangerous for the way it conflates sports fandom (rooting uncritically for your team) with sports business reportage (informing readers about how industry decisions affect them and their pocketbooks). If landing an MLS team is like scoring a goal, then the appropriate response is to throw your hands in the air and cheer, and maybe taking off your pants and putting them on your head, not to ask questions about what the costs and benefits will be of the deal to land the team.

That deal, which involves $33 million in public subsidies plus some free billboards, finally shows up way down in the 28th and 29th paragraphs of the article. The 30th and 31st paragraphs are about how the Sacramento city council may end up fronting the money to the team and letting team owner Ron Burkle “repay” it with his own future property taxes on adjacent development, instead of having to wait and skim off the property taxes himself later — at least I think that’s what they’re about, as the way it’s written (the new “development would produce new property tax revenues that could be used to supplement Burkle’s loan repayments to the city”) doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but if you’ve scrolled down this far in the article you’ve probably lost track of anything other than “Wooo! Soccer!” anyway.

This still isn’t the most egregious misplaced sports metaphor headline — that record is still held by the Hartford Courant, for headlining a plan to build a publicly funded stadium to lure the New England Patriots to town with the single word “Touchdown!” — but it’s pretty bad, and also pretty commonplace. There are reasons why news outlets treat sports as the “toy department,” but that doesn’t make it any less aggravating to watch.


5 comments on “Sacramento is finally granted MLS team, local paper unleashes stored-up flood of soccer metaphors

  1. Good for Sacramento. Maybe Seattle and Portland will send some of their antifa hooligans in a trade for fans who show up to watch the game instead of creating a Leni Riefenstahl moment…gotta take advantage of those new teams before they figure it out, you know?

    • I’m pretty sure Leni Riefenstahl would have been on the side of the racist soccer fans, not the Iron Front.

    • It’ll never not be funny that people think labeling someone as anti-fascist is insulting.

  2. Second verse. Same song.
    “Shut up and watch the game.”
    Natalie Maines take it away.