DUMBEST REASONS TO
BUILD A NEW STADIUM

Top 10 Dumbest Reasons of 2000 to Build a New Stadium

(all quotes guaranteed 100% true)

10. EEYORE LIVES: "The elected leaders already have our money. And they ain't giving it back," wrote the Boston Herald's Gerry Callahan in a May 24 column, showing his keen understanding of the governmental appropriations process. "They are going to squander it one way or another. Might as well squander it on a ballpark."

9. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION: Disregarding the fact that the Red Sox are one of baseball's richest franchises in its sixth-largest media market, Boston Globe columnist Bob Ryan asserted in his April 11 column: "If there isn't a new ballpark by 2006, there more than likely won't be any Boston Red Sox."

8. WE SPENT ALL OUR MONEY, GIVE US MORE: While some sports executives complain that their old stadium prevents them for competing for free agents, Boston Red Sox GM Dan Duquette had this to say after signing outfielder Manny Ramirez to a $160 million contract: "I think the fact we have to compete on the open market for players of this caliber . . . points to the need for a new ballpark."

7. THE STADIUM GAP: With stadium-loving mayor Rudy Giuliani on the way out, it seemed that New York City had dodged the bullet of throwing billions of dollars at its pro sports teams -- to everyone, that is, except New York Post scribe Richard Wilner. "New York City is facing a $3 billion sports stadium crisis," he wrote in a December column, "facing the possibility of having to build five sports palaces in the next five years." Wilner lamented, "Will fans ever get to experience a home game at a state of the art stadium?" -- though both Yankee Stadium and Madison Square Garden were recently renovated, and polls have shown that New Yorkers are largely happy with their existing sports facilities.

6. NOBODY GOES THERE ANYMORE, IT'S TOO CROWDED: "For the Cardinals to be a great franchise, a new ballpark is critical for St. Louis," owner Bill DeWitt Jr. announced in April, after a year in which the team set new attendance records. To add to the doublethink, team president Mark Lamping added that Busch Stadium was inadequate because "our fans pay the highest taxes of any baseball fan in America" -- then turned around and promised that "the bottom line is that Cardinal fans [would] generate the funds to pay for the new ballpark."

5. POOR LITTLE RICH KIDS: "From an economic standpoint, the Red Sox are losing so much money, they need to get a new ballpark," Toronto outfielder Brian McRae told ESPN.com. The Red Sox, according to Forbes magazine figures, had the fifth-highest revenues in the league in 1999 ($123.3 million), then went on to set a club attendance record despite the highest ticket prices in baseball -- thanks in part to the overwhelming popularity of 88-year-old Fenway Park.

4. YOU CAN SEE YOUR HOUSE FROM THERE: "Even though the base of the new building is significantly lower -- probably 60 feet lower -- than Foxboro Stadium's, by the time it's finished the new stadium will vertically be higher than the current stadium," Patriots chief operating officer Andy Wasynczuk told the Boston Herald. "It's going to be a pretty impressive structure."

3. PAGING NOAH WEBSTER: Boston Mayor Tom Menino, asked at a state legislative hearing why he was planning to declare part of the bustling Fenway neighborhood "blighted" so it could be torn down by eminent domain to make way for a new baseball stadium, explained: "We don't mean 'blight' in the real sense of the word 'blight.'"

2. CHICKS DIG THE ROMAINE: Former Red Sox infielder-turned-Reds exec Tim Naehring told ESPN's Bob Ley that Fenway Park should be torn down because "the moms realize that they can't get a nice chef's salad" there.

1. THE UNIFIED FIELD THEORY: Billionaire and Florida Marlins owner John Henry, explaining in June whether or not he would threaten to sell off his team's best players if a new stadium was not forthcoming: "Light is a particle and a wave, but logic would tell you it can't be both. The fact is, it is both. In our situation, it's a dilemma. It's a difficult choice; none works. It's not quite as esoteric as it sounds. It's not talking out of both sides of my mouth."