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November 18, 2008
This just in: Minnesota is building stadiums for rich people
The economy may be in the tank, but the cheap irony bubble is alive and well at the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, where columnist Nick Coleman files this report:
Our billionaires are doing great, and there could be three new Sports Romper Rooms by the end of next year. If your husband lost his job or your wife has to work six days a week to make ends meet, or your kids have to wait for braces, it's OK.
Minneapolis is getting spiffier! The view from the soup lines will be brighter as the hungry and the homeless scan the skyline and see shiny harbingers of good times to come:
On the East, a new football stadium that stands like a beacon of prosperity amid the forlorn campus of the University of Minnesota, hit by hiring freezes and soaring tuition rates but clinging to hope that Tim (8-15) Brewster knows what he is doing or might find out by the time the new $300 million stadium opens; and ...
On the West, a shiny new steam-scented baseball stadium is rising beside the garbage burner, a $500 million gift from the taxpayers of Hennepin County, whose beneficent rulers must have known it would be good to have hundreds of new hotdog vending positions coming onto the job market.
And, still but a dream, there it is: In the heart of the city, where the Metrodome used to be an eyesore, a new $1 billion Zyggi-urat, where the Minnesota Vikings will be able to climb to Valhalla in a modern football temple worthy of the vision of Zygi Wilf.
On a marginally less snarky note, Coleman also notes that the combined net worth of Minneapolis' pro sports teams is at least $10 billion. In particular, banker Carl Pohlad's Twins have risen more than $100 million in value since they got their $387 million taxpayer gift two years ago, and are expected to go another $30 to $50 million higher once their new Target Field opens next year. At this rate, it would have been cheaper for Minnesota just to give Pohlad $150 million in cash - but then, he's not looking for a handout.
