Exciting news from the Tennessee Titans, who have announced that “Titans New Stadium Waitlist to Support Local Schools“! How on earth does that work, you ask? The Titans press release is happy to explain:
Each time a new member joins the waitlist, a new book will be donated to Metro Nashville Public Schools, with the goal of getting a take-home book in the hands of every MNPS first- and second- grade student and populating books in elementary school libraries across Nashville.
Okay, so the Titans are donating some books to Nashville schools, and tying it to the number of people on their waitlist for personal seat licenses. As Titans watchdog Kelly on Twitter notes, getting on the waitlist requires putting down a deposit of between $50 and $1,000, so the team can afford to pay for the books with just the interest the deposits accrue. But they don’t have to do even that, so I suppose it’s sorta nice that the team owners are using this as an opportunity to ensure that Nashville elementary schools have a well-stocked and diverse collection of—
The donation will feature children’s books from 2nd & 7’s own book series, “The Hog Mollies,” featuring a group of friends who learn valuable life lessons in their adventures. Co-founded by Titans head coach Mike Vrabel, the mission of 2nd & 7 is to promote reading by providing free books and positive role models to kids in need while encouraging young athletes of the community to pay it forward.
Okay, now this requires further investigation. The Titans’ head coach has his own kids’ book series? What kind of valuable life lessons does it teach? Fortunately, the Hog Mollies books are all available to read online, so we can learn such important insights as:
And that’s just from the first book in the series! Later installments feature such important lessons as “If you find money in the street, ring the nearest doorbell and give it to the person who answers, and maybe they’ll turn out to be the owner of a local toy shop and give you a free toy” and “If you see someone ordering ice cream while looking at their phone, go scrub graffiti off the wall of the ice cream store’s building and maybe the ice cream store owner will give you free ice cream,” which maybe seems a little transactional for six-year-olds, but at least it’ll keep the little bastards off their phone for a few minutes, I guess.
Mostly, the book giveaway provides a way for the Titans to generate some positive PR around their $2 billion stadium that everyone hates spending public money on. And the local media have been quick to oblige:
Can’t wait for the next installment of the Hog Mollies series: “The Hog Mollies and Getting the Local TV Station to Promote Your PSL Sales by Giving Away Some Free Books.” Your first-grade viral marketing students will love it!
The cynic in me says Vrabels publisher printed too many books and now genius idea to get rid of them.
Nah, no way…..
Scrub graffiti from wall using …?
Sounds like good way to get killed for removing gang tags.
This book promotes a pro-cucumber, pro-phallic-fruit lifestyle. Mom’s for Liberty will have it banned before they donate the first copy.
It’s a slippery slope, isn’t it? We have to be vigilant against this sort of creepy communo-fasci-hollywood propaganda…
“Boil the sealed jars for approximately five 5 minutes”…so, 25 minutes? They sure aren’t teaching the kids grammar.
My cynicism just can’t keep up.
I feel like this is a missed opportunity.
The books should all be on point… the point specifically being the value of public subsidy to private businesses and how everyone wins when money that could have gone to the school system – specifically targetted at the poorest areas and least well funded schools – is given to a billionaire to allow them to build a new place of business (and pay to tear down the old one) so that their existing business can continue to prosper, albeit in a smaller but newer stadium with likely fewer employees than the old one needed.
I mean, that’s just a win across the board for everyone. If they had just given the money to poorest schools in Nashville directly, I mean, who would benefit from that?
Neil has to the next edition of Field of Schemes as a children’s book series. The vapotecture make perfect illustrations. Imagine the titles…
The Secret (of Madison Square) Garden
James and the Giant Subsidy
Hello God, Are You There? It’s Me, Rob Maniford.
Is that the same book series that issued “How to turn Taxpayers into Dupes”?
Mr. Vrabel – or shall we call you Mr. Vaguel? If this adorable set of steps isn’t performed correctly because these apparently easy to follow instructions aren’t explicit enough, just beware that these pickles may make people VERY sickles – no not that kind of sickle, friends, I mean we’re not commies here heh heh – let’s just say more ILL than dill if ya feel me. Your promotion of a presumably edible project may become a delightful breeding ground for bad bad bacteria like botulism. If that happens precious little Nashville childs may not grow up to be underpaid musicians, or the ultimate Tennecitizen; proud owners of Titan Personal Seat Licenses because they will either owe the MegaMedical and Big Phrama industries mightily for their recovery, or will be buried in a mass grave under what was formerly the site of Nissan Stadium. Toodles!
Wait – the Titans are giving away books that 2nd and 7 give away for free.