So this happened:
That’s it, I’m done, I can’t top that. RIP comedy (???? – 2025 AD), reality has finally become too absurd even to laugh at.
If anyone still cares about the rest of the news, here’s some:
- Proving once again that expiring lease deadlines are almost never really deadlines at all, Los Angeles Angels owner Arte Moreno responded to his lease with Anaheim being set to end in 2029 by signing a three-year extension through 2032. There had been talk about voiding the lease entirely because it was negotiated by the city’s former mayor who ended up going to prison for attempted bribe-taking and illegal helicopter registration surrounding an attempted stadium upgrade deal, but apparently that went nowhere, so instead Moreno will kick the can down the road in hopes everyone will have forgotten about that whole mess and he can get back to harvesting subsidies and spending them on players who are about to forget how to play, LOLAngels.
- Rob Manfred’s mouth opened and words fell out again: “It’s important the way I say this — I am spending a ton of time with [Tampa Bay Rays owner] Stu [Sternberg]. I think he’s confronted with an extraordinarily difficult situation, and we’re trying to work that situation through and keep my goal, keep the franchise in Tampa Bay. … We’d like to keep the franchise in Tampa Bay. We think the market is big enough and that there is passion for the game. Having said that, it is challenging.” That’s a non-threat threat, I think? Either that or a humblebrag about how he gets to spend time hanging out with one of the most hated people in sports, hard to say, really.
- Speaking of arbitrary deadlines, Kansas City Royals owner John Sherman says its his “objective” to be “prepared to talk about” a new stadium “by mid-year,” which is a little odd since the Missouri and Kansas legislative sessions will both be done by then, so either he’s hoping for a special session or just hoping the passage of time will make everyone forget about his own recent public embarrassment as well.
- And speaking of mumbling incoherently, someone asked Philadelphia Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie if he planned to build a dome on his team’s stadium, and he replied: “I don’t have a strong opinion on it, because you’re torn. I love outdoor football. I love it. I love the cold games. I like the hot games. I like the snow games. On the other hand, Philadelphia deserves to host the Super Bowl, NCAA Final Four, and lots of great events. It’s an incredible sports city, so yes you got to balance all those things. Can I go now?” (Okay, not actually that last bit.)
- Anyone else? You in the back, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell! “I think the process that they’re going through is very positive. They’re speaking to everybody about their needs as well as community needs and where they can find a stadium that would be suitable.” Guess in comments which team he was talking about, or click the link for spoilers!
- Illinois state representative Bob Morgan has introduced the Balanced Earnings And Record Standards (BEARS) and Stadium Oversight and Expectations Act, which would limit public stadium spending to sports teams with a winning record three of the last five years. Nice try, Rep. Morgan, but comedy is dead now, you probably didn’t hear.
- It’s not just the Shh-Not-Sacramento Athletics discovering the joys of artificial scarcity pricing, the Rays are jacking up prices through the roof now that they’re playing in a tiny ballpark, too!
- How are those arena jobs created by the new taxpayer-subsidized Detroit Red Wings arena working out for workers? Oh. Welp.
- Corporate tax breaks are costing local fire departments millions of dollars a year in budget shortfalls, this is fine, probably.
- I spent an hour on WVXU’s Cincinnati Edition yesterday discussing the Bengals stadium situation and proposed statewide sports gambling tax to create a stadium slush fund with several Ohio journalists, and you can now listen to it in its entirety here. (Not included: the pre-show discussion of the donuts in the WVXU vending machine, which are apparently incredibly bad, thoughts and prayers to my WVXU colleagues.)