If you haven’t been paying attention to the latest iteration of the USFL, well, who can really blame you: The first version lasted three years in the 1980s before some delusional rich developer’s son destroyed it, someone attempted a reboot in 2010 that went nowhere, and the latest version is brought to you by a completely different set of people, including a semipro spring league called The Spring League and, perhaps inevitably, Fox Sports. When it takes the field in spring 2022 it will, however, allegedly feature the same teams as when it gave up the ghost in 1986 — though not, bizarrely, in the same cities.
That’s because the entire USFL season is, if all goes according to plan, set to be played in one city: Birmingham, Alabama. This is being called a “bubble,” because bubbles are an established sports thing now even if this one has nothing to do with protecting public health, but more likely is about cutting costs while providing some made-for-TV product. (I did mention that one of the owners of the league is Fox Sports, yes?) And, of course, extracting some money from Birmingham city government in exchange for hosting games of a sports league with no fans: The Greater Birmingham Convention and Visitors Bureau, the city of Birmingham, and Jefferson County are collectively putting up $3 million to cover “expenses” in the league’s first year, as well as providing free rent on two Birmingham football stadiums. Plus whatever the hell is going on in this paragraph from AL.com:
An accord was reached when the [Birmingham Jefferson Civic Center] restructured its budget to include projected revenues. The agency originally said it would cost $3.7 to host the league, still $700,00 short of the $3 million committed by various stakeholders to fund the losses. Late Tuesday, the BJCC added “additional” projected revenue into the model, bringing the numbers more in alignment.
You can’t just add $700,000 to your revenue projections and pretend your books are balanced! Though you also can’t forget to write “million” after your cost projections or leave off an entire zero from one of your figures, but I guess that’s just how they roll in Birmingham.
The interesting thing here … okay, there are many interesting things here, but the one that stands out is that we’re seeing the emergence of a totally new business model for sports extortion: Instead of shopping around franchises to different cities to see who’ll pay for the right to host them, shop around the entire league for one season at a time and see what cities will cough up. Presumably if the Birmingham goes well and the league is renewed for Season 2, they’ll go shopping for another city to host them then — it’ll be like Top Chef, only with host cities paying for the privilege. Wait, does Top Chef get paid to locate in particular locations? Does that explain the season spent entirely in Kentucky? I’m seriously afraid to Google this now.
Anyway, the official announcement of your New Jersey Generals brought to you by Birmingham is tentatively scheduled for next week, and we already have lots of local elected officials saying things like “this is what regional cooperation looks like” and “this will work if everyone pitches in” and “think of all the other sports that could come once people see how well things are run.” Which, yes, it’s impressive in a way to see everyone in Birmingham pulling together to send public money to Fox Sports so as to find a use for the football stadium they just spent $250 million to build, but maybe not the kind of impressive you want.